Kung-Fu Panda Knock-Off Battle Royal

 



"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness." - Oscar Wilde


Master Panda, mentor of The Prodigy

Patrick, the Panda Warrior of Legend

Pancada, The Little Panda Fighter

Zibo, the Chop Kick Panda 




On the 6th of June, 2008, DreamWorks Animation released a movie that would take the world by storm: Kung Fu Panda. The story about a big, fat panda voiced by Jack Black learning to discover what makes him special and becoming a legendary fighter became a smash hit with audiences all over the world. However, with it's initial popularity, this has lead other film makers to create their own movies about a silly martial arts black and white bear. But which of the four selected Ailuropoda melanoleuca is the best around? Will the Boss Bear show everyone the tiger within? Will the saviour of Merryland bring honour to his grampa's name? Will the dancing panda teach people that big things come in little packages? Or will the Grandmaster chop and kick everybody to the floor? Time for some Kung Fu Fighting to commence!


Before We Start

For all the combatants, anything that they do within their movies will be used for them. This includes The Prodigy for Master Panda, The Adventures of Panda Warrior for Patrick, The Little Panda Fighter for Pancada and Chop Kick Panda for Zibo. On top of this:
  • The official website for The Prodigy that for some reason exists will be used in terms of lore and abilities for Master Panda.
  • Extra material from DVDs or such will not be used as I do not want to spend money on these god damned movies
  • Only the English Dub for these movies will be used as I cannot speak/find the original movie with their home languages (Chinese/Portuguese)
  • Through this one Reddit post I thought there was a secret sequel to The Little Panda Fighter. But as it turns out, this was just a bad fanfiction and is no longer on the internet as far as I could find. Now, was this necessary to talk about? No, but I just wanted to mention it.
Oh yeah, you also shouldn't go into this blog expecting actual stats for attack and speed feats, as not only do I not know how to do that kind of stuff, I can't bring it in me to ask someone else to calculate stuff for this matchup of all things. I will still try to give general VS terms to feats if applicable (Thank you, VSWiki).

Alright, That should be it. Now without any further a due:


Background 

Master Panda

"There are times where you must unleash the tiger within"

From the mind of writer, director and animator Robert D. Hanna and produced by Prevalent Entertainment, on the 7th of July, 2009 comes the movie about a young girl and her zany master on a journey to find a kidnapped prince and restore peace to the kingdom. This, was The Prodigy. 


In Ancient China, specifically in the small yet cheerful Panda Town, there is a wise yet comical Master Panda (AKA Boss Bear) who knows the ways of kung fu. He was tasked of taking care of a girl by her father as soon as he died from facing Gen Ten the Dragon King, a once good man who became evil after his skin was burned by a dragon. He would train her in the martial arts, naming her the Kung-Fu Girl (or KG for short). She would eventually become quite the prodigy with a big heart, studying under her master who, while wise, is also quite comical in his ways. One day, while KG was training, she would hear the sound of a pipa being strum and started to play along with her flute. After the song, she would meet the one who played the instrument: Prince Po Kwan (hmm... Po...). It was love at first sight for both, until Po's dad, the Emperor, instructed him to return to his palace. But not before KG invited him to the Joy Joy Tavern later that night.

Later on, KG, Po (and Panda for some reason) had made their way to the Joy Joy Tavern, only to discover that the tavern was as dead as a doornail. Seizing the opportunity, the three of them started a band to liven the place up. Everyone was having fun, until the Emperor barged into the tavern and grounded Po for mingling with the common folk. Not to worry though, as he and KG were having fun the next day, playing a nice game of Tag. When all of a sudden, a big muscular man named Gen Gan came out of nowhere and kidnapped the prince. Attempting to stop the criminal, KG is faced off against Princess Mei. After a hard fought battle, KG would end up losing, forced to watch as the kidnappers take her beloved prince away. Panda appears at the scene, explaining that those evil doers were disciples of the Dragon King and that he had taken Po for ransom and power over the emperor.

Despite her master's words of encouragement that she can do anything, KG still doubts herself and doesn't think she can do anything to help Po. She runs away, but before Panda could give chase, he notices a purse left behind by Princess Mei and brings it to his Dojo. One song later, the emperor arrives to the dojo to blame the prince's disappearance on the duo. The Master quickly takes care of the situation (while also throwing some insults at the emperor beneath his breath) and the emperor leaves. KG however scolds her master for his insults and instead sympathises for the upset father. KG continues her training until Princess Mei and Lee show up at their footsteps, demanding for Mei's purse back. KG then takes a whiff of Mei's perfume, which turns out to be a Potion of Power, increasing her size and strength. One fight later, and Mei and Lee are sent running back to the Dragon King's Palace. KG then makes a makeshift skateboard out of a broken cart for their travels, with her Master coming along for the ride as well. It wasn't long before the duo would cross paths with Mei and Lee again. Backed into a corner by Lee's brothers, KG would utilise another one of Mei's magical items, a size-changing compact mirror, to escape the deadly situation. 

Back on their skateboard, the duo suddenly fall down a cliff into a river below. This is where KG finds a portal to the Dragon King's realm behind a waterfall. Facing another moment of doubt, KG begins to worry if what they're doing is right after being spooked by the local ghosts. Panda then tells KG to listen to her heart, which motivates her back into wanting to save Prince Po. Not long after, they encounter a shaggy troll. But after Panda attacked him out of a misunderstanding, they discover that the troll was very kind and was once a prisoner of the Dragon King. The troll would show them the saftest way towards the palace, which would seemingly end at a ravine too far to jump across, until the troll ripped a tree from it's roots to use a a bridge to cross. With KG and Panda walking along their new path, the troll decides to stay behind to find his people. The duo continue on their path, eventually finding the emperor and his men being attacked by ghosts. KG bravely steps in to defend them all, sending the ghost's fireballs back at them with her shield. The emperor thanks and apologises to her, trusting them to get his beloved son back safe and sound. Meanwhile, Mei is trying to get Po to fall in love with her with a love potion, but is failing hard.

Finally, KG and Panda arrive at the palace and step inside to save the captured prince. They travel through an assortment of rooms made of materials like jade, pearl, silver and gold with traps that are almost always activated by the bumbling Panda, before he does something to get them out of the trouble that he may or may not have caused. Through ninja stars, moving walls, silver spirits and gold golems, they finally make it to the throne room, where Gen Gan, Lee, Mei and the Dragon King himself are talking about their plans. And with the whiff of the Potion of Power, KG leaps into battle and the final fight commences. Through a tough battle, KG and Panda defeat all of the Dragon King's disciples one by one, ending with the Dragon King himself. Though now with the threat of a barrel of gunpowder exploding them all into smithereens, KG grabs Po and the three heroes make a run for it. They successfully escape right before the palace explodes, putting an end to the Dragon King for good. And although his disciples also made it out in time, they aren't threats to the heroes anymore. With Prince Po reunited with his father, peace returns to the land and the story ends with a happy ending for all.


.... but not without ending with A DANCING SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (1:16:46)


Patrick

"Why must we fight each other? If we could live together in harmony, then there's no reason to fight! We could live in peace."

On the 12th of August, 2012, comes a story directed by Kwok-Shing Lo and written by Andy Ng Yiu-Kuen and Lam Fung. Where in a world of many kung fu masters, only one has an appetite for destruction.

It all starts in Imperial China, where in the time of the warlords, battles rage. With millions either having to fight, starve or die, it seemed like peace was only a thing of the past. However, in a certain army, there was a soldier obsessed with peace. He believed that there was a place with no war, no fighting, no conflict. This place was known as Merryland and this soldier was... Patrick (His name in the original Hong Kong release is Jinbao in case you were wondering). Unfortunately, no one else thought the same as they thought resolving conflict through war was the only way. One night, after the general had made a fool of him in front of other soldiers, Patrick is left sitting on a cliff looking at the necklace his grampa had given him before he passed, swearing that he would prove Merryland's existence. Just then, an enemy attack had commenced. Flaming arrows soared into people's hearts as battle-armored oxen charged into others, with one chasing Patrick off a cliff. Holding his necklace close to his chest, Patrick knew it wouldn't be long before he and his grampa were to meet again. All of a sudden, the necklace had started glowing, Patrick closed his eyes...

...and opened them to the sight of a talking pig. Initially confused, the pig (later known as Peggy Skyflyer) held up a mirror for Patrick to look into. Though to a surprise for him, what stared back wasn't his human self, but a talking panda bear. As it turned out, he had just ended up in Merryland himself and was currently plummeting from the sky to the ground below. After a not so smooth landing and some disbelief of his new state, Patrick believed that he could simply live in this beautiful land for the rest of his life... that was until he was attacked by the Shadow Army Cats who were under control by the Evil Master. Yeah so as it turns out Merryland is currently NOT a place of peace but instead a place of turmoil, with most of it under control of this Evil Master. Only one person can stop this evil tyrant: The Legendary Panda Warrior. Thinking that he himself is the Legendary Warrior (and fearing the Shadow Army attacking him again), Patrick decides to follow Peggy into the Dark Forest. Here, not only are they attacked by a giant enemy spider, but a Mantis warrior named Manny who attacks Patrick on the assumption that the necklace in his possession was not his grandfather's family heirloom, but a piece of jewelry belonging to Princess Angelica, naming Patrick's Grampa a thief.

Enraged by these false accusations, Patrick attacks Mantis and ties him to a tree. To the shock of Mantis however, he is freed by Patrick in an act of kindness. Soon after the group's escape from the forest, they had another encounter with the Shadow Army Cats. This time, they were attacking an innocent village of onion...dog...things... accompanied by The Phantom Warrior: Burnie Hothead. With Mantis on their side and some more false allegations fabricated by Peggy, the trio overpower and restrained Burnie. At that very moment, the legendary Jimmy Ginseng Spirit arrives and plays his Song of Peace, freeing Burnie from the Evil Master's mind control but weakening Jimmy heavily. With Burnie on the side of the Rebellion, it wasn't long before they encountered another soldier of the Evil Master: Crusher the Ox. But before he could deal any real damage, he gets ambushed by Billy Beakman, Bruce Barkley, Bobby Bunny, Shadowfeet the River Horse (Yes, not a hippo, a river horse), Gogo Goat and Spinny the Monkey. Together with Peggy, they are the Wonder Seven! But even with their awesome power, they're no match for Crusher. That is, until Patrick tricked him into running into a red cloak over a cliff. After this brutal experience, the Wonder Seven bring Patrick back to their base to meet King Leo, who explains the situation fully to the potential panda warrior. 

There exists the Dragon Ball of Light, an orb that gives Merryland power and used to keep the peace. It was guarded by two heavenly whales: Hope and Faith. One day, Hope had absorbed too much power from the Dragon Ball and began to wreck all of Merryland. It was then when the original Legendary Panda Warrior, Patrick's Grampa, showed up and successfully turned Hope back to her normal self. To reward him, Princess Angelica gifted him the Dragon Necklace so that he may return to his home. Peace was restored... until a despicable rat with a despicable plan showed up from an evil alternate dimension. Using his dark magic he fused himself with Hope and transformed into an evil nine-headed snake. It wasn't long until most of Merryland was bewitched under his rule, destroying anyone who opposed him and trapping Princess Angelica away. But, for the citizens of Merryland, there still exists hope that the Legendary Panda Warrior will come back and defeat the Evil Master.

Patrick, after listening to this tragic tale, asks King Leo to train him so that he may be ready to face this Evil Master. King Leo agrees, but warns that his challenges may be to much for Patrick to handle. Through hopping across hungry lily pads, having to fill buckets with water with tiny bowls while upside down and dodging bamboo from all sides, Patrick was truly ready to face the Evil Master alongside his friends. Along their journey, Patrick and Bernie stop by the shop of the Fox Elder in order to grab a piece of the Evil Master's castle which will reveal the location of the palace. But a dark sight awaits the duo as everyone but Gogo Goat was taken and bewitched by the Evil Master. Finally arriving at the floating castle, the trio are faced against an evil Peggy Skyflyer and, while successful at first. are eventually captured by the other bewitched team members. Yet to the dismay to the still alive Crusher, who had sent the order to capture Patrick and friends, the ones thought to be bewitched had played a trick on the Ox and weren't mind controlled at all. Now with Crusher tied upside down from a branch, Jimmy Ginseng returns and plays his Song of Peace once more to turn Crusher back against the Evil Master. With the Ox on their side, he brings the group to a room where Princess Angelica is believed to be. This turned out to be a ruse by a never-seen-before-or-after insect henchman to the groups dismay, as the figure that looked like Princess Angelica was really the Evil Master (who again is a rat fused with a whale that turned into a giant nine-headed snake) in disguise. 

During their battle with the Master of Evil, none of our heroes can seem to put him down for even a second. But in a moment of selflessness and pride, Burnie warns everyone else to run and find the Princess as he uses the rest of his power and life to heavily damage and burn the Evil Master. Using this moment to escape, the gang eventually find the room containing the real Princess Angelica trapped in chains and surrounded by a lake of poison. In another act of selflessness and sacrifice, Crusher swims across the lake and breaks Princess Angelica out of her chains right before carrying her back across the poison lake. While this was happening, Mantis had dug a tunnel for them all to escape while the rest were busy holding the door of the room closed as the Evil Master continues to try and take them all down. Continuing his streak of raw-ass moments, Crusher tells everyone to escape while holding down the doors all by himself. In a fit of rage, the Evil Master starts to break the entire floating island apart as our heroes hid in a cave to protect themselves from the fall. Now on the ground, the final battle commences. And while the chips may be looking down for The Resistance, with an explosion of energy from the Dragon Necklace, the arrival of Faith which revives everyone and everything destroyed and the onion dogs/Jimmy Ginseng weakening the Evil Master, The Resistance comes out victorious and the despicable Rat returns to his evil alternate dimension. Now, the Dragon Ball of Light has been restored, Hope and Faith reunite and peace has finally been restored to Merryland. Patrick truly was a Legendary Panda Warrior...


...but not without ending with A DANCING SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (1:13:58).



Pancada


"Fight Night, Fight Night! Big deal! Who cares for some dumb old Fight Night?"

From Vídeo Brinquedo on the 18th of November, 2012, comes the story of a nobody panda who wants to become a great dancer. But in a shocking turn of events, has to take on a role much larger than he can handle.

Living in a world of anthropomorphic bears, Pancada was just a janitor at the Bear Bar Box, a club where bears from all around could go to in order to beat the shit out of each other. But Pancada wasn't your average bear, as he had dreams of becoming not a fighter, but a dancer instead. But for now he was just seen as a loser by his bosses and fellow employees, including his love interest Honey. There are even bigger problems happening inside the Bear Bar Box however, as one bear known as Freak Teddy has been the undefeated champion for 2 years leaving the Bar to gain fewer and fewer customers the more he wins. Later on that day, Pancada visits his boss Polaris, a once great fighter who gave it up to own the Bar, to ask to leave early after another day of barely any costumers. This conversation with Pancada leads Polaris to come up with a master plan: disguise himself in a costume and beat Freak Teddy himself without anyone noticing. After this conversation, Pancada makes his way to his Master Jin and his dancing dojo. Noticing his student's clouded mind, Jin asks Pancada what is wrong, with Pancada responding with his worries that Honey doesn't love or even like him. Master Jin's responds by telling Pancada that all he needs is his own value and loyalty.

The next day, Polaris invites Pancada to his office to show off his new disguise: The Great Bear of Mystery. Though there was a problem with this, the costume smelled really bad. So Polaris gives his costume to Pancada with the task of washing it. Unfortunately, the sound of the washing machine (somehow) created a beat so fire that Pancada could only focus on busting a move, forgetting all about the costume. With the fight soon approaching, Pancada is also preparing for his audition to enter into a special dancing academy that same day. To Pancada's dismay, he remembered about the clothes that he left to wash and scrambled as fast as he could to retrieve them for his boss. Unfortunately, the clothes had shrunken to the point where when Polaris put his disguise on, he looked not like a random bear in a black suit, but a panda bear who everyone mistakes for Pancada (somehow). The fight begins and within minutes, Polaris absolutely decimates Freak Teddy, breaking the latter's winning streak. Meanwhile, Pancada is dancing his heart out in front of the judges of his dancing audition, resulting in him being accepted into the academy

Feeling sad about the harsh criticisms to his technique, Pancada mopes his way to work the next day. Only to find everyone he meets congratulating him about his performance, with even Honey giving him a kiss on the cheek for how incredible he was. Given a new sense of confidence, Polaris is quick to yell at Pancada for taking the credit that really belonged to him. After a quick conversation, both bears realise the misunderstanding with Pancada now knowing that everyone likes him for something that he's not. Polaris then strikes a deal with Pancada: Polaris does the fighting, Pancada gets the fame. However, after another talk with Master Xin, Pancada walks into Polaris' office the next day and demands that he be the one that fights Teddy again due to his personal pride. Polaris reluctantly agrees and starts his training with Pancada. With enough time passing, the day arrives with the Bear Bar Box being filled to the brim with costumers. With both fighters in the ring, Pancada vs Freak Teddy begins and... Pancada loses. Yeah, he gets his absolute shit kicked in in front of everyone without any of a challenge to the shock of (almost) everyone. The next day, Pancada returns to his boss' office to apologise for his loss. But Polaris wasn't disappointed at all, in fact, he was happy. You see, while everyone had put their money into Pancada winning, Polaris had put his money into Pancada losing, making him rich beyond his wildest dreams. With him officially going into retirement at Bear Springs Resort, Polaris hands ownership of the Bar to Pancada, who turns the place into a dancing club for all to see him dance. I guess there was a happy ending after all for the Little Panda Fighter...


...but not without ending with A DANCING SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (48:28).


Zibo

"The mighty warrior Zibo grew tired of Bali and unleashed the white hot fury of a thousand suns!"

May 10th, 2011. Movie comes out created by Renegade Animations, Darrell Van Citters and Robert Zappia. It has a panda that fights. You get it by now

In the small, Asian village of Serenity Falls, there lived once a legendary fighter. A fighter so legendary that even his legends had legends. No one could match the power of this almighty warrior. His name... was not Zibo. Instead, this panda bear was simply a janitor at the Serenity Falls dojo where he could only dream of being such a fighter. Not to mention he was an easy target of mocking and picking on, especially with one of the masters at the dojo: Master Bali. Yet this doesn't stop Zibo, for he is not only trying to hype himself up, but bring joy to his son Ming after Zibo's wife had passed away. He would tell his son all of his (false) amazing adventures, even during Career Day at Ming's school where other children wont even buy his lies for even a second. After school ends, Ming asks his dad if he and his friends can visit the dojo that he works at. Wanting to keep his son happy, he allows them to visit the dojo later that day.

However, all is not well in Serenity Falls, as in a cave away from the dojo, the treacherous Bali visits his master: Slade. The brother of Grandmaster Han, the greatest martial artist alive and owner of the dojo where Zibo works. Here, Slade monologues to Bali that he shall soon take his brother's Amulet of Fury, gain ultimate power and rule Serenity Falls with an iron fist (the name will stay the same though, he likes the irony). Meanwhile, at the dojo, Zibo visits Grandmaster Han for advice for dealing with his problems. Han listens, and hands Zibo a book with legendary advice written inside... before immediately revealing that it was blank inside, teaching a lesson that "True wisdom is knowing you know nothing". That night, Ming arrives with his friends: Rex (the know-it-all), Kobu (the silent type) and Shiva (the love interest of Ming). The kids, all impressed by the stories of Ming's dad, ask Zibo to show off his legendary warrior training techniques. Zibo, not to disappoint his son, obliges and shows the kids what he was made of... which is not much. Through failing to break a single plank of wood, not being able to catch up with Kobu, losing several games of Rock-Paper-Scissors and breaking his spine, he always managed to look cool in front of his son.

The dojo sleepover would suddenly be interrupted by Bali, who would convince the kids and Zibo that Grandmaster Han sent him on a mission to retrieve the Amulet of Fury. Bali then turns the look into a scavenger hunt for the Amulet, where the others can participate. After a long night of searching, the gang find the Amulet behind a painting of Grandmaster Han, when it is revealed that Bali was taking orders from Slade and finally retrieved the Amulet for his evil master, just in time as Slade arrived at the dojo ready to collect his brother's Amulet. Ming tries to stand up for his father, only to reveal that his stories were all false, and that he is just a simple janitor, But, out of nowhere, Grandmaster Han arrives to bring courage to the scene and to destroy Sherman (Slade's real name) in battle. While the two fight, Bali takes on Zibo and absolutely kicks his panda-ass. Even worse, Slade has just won against Han in their battle. Everything seemed hopeless, until Kobu quickly stole the Amulet from Slade and handed it to Zibo. Zibo, now powered by the Amulet of Fury, easily defeats Slade and Bali and saves the day. Han, completely fine, then reveals that the Amulet of Fury, much like the book from earlier, had no real power. Everything that Zibo did, all came from himself. Thus proving that Zibo was a real warrior all along.

With proper training from Grandmaster Han, support from his child and Slade and Bali now reduced to janitors, the small Asian village of Serenity Falls now has a new fighter so legendary, that he is the legend of a legend. So loved was this warrior, everyone knew his name. He, was Grandmaster Zibo...


...wait. There's no dancing scene? The movie ends with a sweet ending not disrupted by music? Huh... well then.



Skill/Experience

Master Panda

Judging by the knowledge he spouts to KG, him talking about teaching previous students (2:20) and being friends with her father before his death (36:26), it's fair to say the Boss Bear has been in the martial arts game for a while. Training KG in the ways of the warrior shows that he is quite skilled and experienced, especially for someone of his size. When fighting enemies, he fights in unorthodox ways, utilising his surroundings in combat, like fighting with watermelons (25:24), buckets (25:28) and vases (1:01:39) against his enemies. Throughout their journey to save Po, Boss Bear regularly shares his vast knowledge of the Dragon King's disciples and gives KG words of wisdom when she's in self doubt, further showing his immense wisdom. He has also learned several techniques involving literal magic that no one else can naturally do. Even when it's shown that he can be a bit clumsy at times, he can still pull off incredible feats of athleticism for someone of his size. He's also sick on the drums. (9:26)


Patrick

Given that he was first a soldier in an army camp (1:25), it might be fair to say that Patrick here has had at least a little bit of combat experience before his trip into Merryland, but given that he doesn't show any interest in fighting, this seems unlikely. Even after the large fall he had, he seems pretty adapt to his new body fairly quickly after his transformation. Later on, he was given what were said to be some of the most grueling training challenges by King Leo. Even though we see Patrick absolutely suck ass at the first two challenges (41:21)/(43:25), he somehow becomes a full on master of movement and martial arts, stated by Leo himself to be "The Chosen One" (45:17) when coming to face the Evil Master himself. He also seemingly gains a boost to his fighting skill when his Grampa Rage activates. We even see in the mid-credits scene (1:15:50) that Patrick has not only returned to the human world, but is fighting evenly with the army general, who demolished Patrick at the beginning.


Pancada

I wont sugarcoat it, Pancada sucks at fighting. Sure, he is very skilled at dancing due to training from Master Jin and has some amount of physical training from Polaris himself (34:15), a Bear Box Pro wrestler, but Pancada can't put any of those skills to use in an actual fight, especially against foes stronger and more experienced than him (39:33). Hey, at least his dancing talent has been recognised by talented dance judges and will eventually go to dance college one day.


Zibo

Zibo, while he is the second clumsy, janitor panda in this battle royal, is shown to be a lot more competent than the other one. While his stories may have been made up fabrications, what wasn't made up was him wrecking Slade and Bali (36:58), two masters at/near the level of Grandmaster Han in terms of fighting skill, all on his own with the help of the Amulet. Speaking of Grandmaster Han, not only has he given Zibo useful advice during the duration of the movie, at the end, Han promises to train Zibo in his ways (38:02), with the end of the movie confirming that Zibo has reached the level of Grandmaster (38:33). This could mean that Zibo has reached a point to where he is comparable to Han in terms of pure fighting skill, but that is just speculation on my part. Nevertheless, Zibo is definitely a master of martial arts by the end of the movie and is now a skilled warrior.



Equipment

Master Panda

Tonfa

Master Panda has been shown to carry a tonfa around with him, whether it be while training KG or travelling to the Dragon King's kingdom. A personal favorite weapon of his to use.

Bag of tricks

A purse full of magical objects originally owned by Princess Mei (27:11), who accidently left it behind after her first fight against KG. Now in KG's hands, she and Boss Bear use the items against the forces of the Dragon King for good. While the purse was in possession of KG for most of the movie, it's reasonable to assume that Panda would also have access to the purse due to never showing them giving the purse or any other items up after the movie ends. Also, Panda is a little bit of an ass, so he would definitely use any tricks to get a leg up on the competition and hasn't been shown to have a distain to using them. 


Compact mirror shield

A size-changing compact mirror that not only helps you prepare your makeup on the go, it can turn into a large shield that can protect/reflect anything that may be attacking the holder, from arrows (31:52) to ghost fire (43:42).


Fire-breath lipstick

Exactly as the name suggests. It's lipstick that, when you put it on, allows you to breath fire. Nothing else to say really.


Hairpins 

Hairpins that can be used as throwing darts. Why is this considered magic when the literal talking panda is seen as normal.


Potion of Power

A potion put inside a perfume bottle. With one whiff, a person gains ultimate power, can jump high into the air and grows in size. However, this strength comes with a time limit of 5 minutes (26:50). Still, this is considered the most dangerous weapon in the bag of tricks.


Patrick

Leaf Sword

A sword that looks like a leaf that was given to him by King Leo. He then proceeds to get immediately disarmed of it the moment he actually tries to fight with it (1:07:40).


Rock

A piece of the Evil Master's castle that can bring you to the location of his flying palace (48:24). Useless in a VS scenario.


Dragon Necklace

A necklace that was once owned by Princess Angelica that was handed down to Patrick's Grampa and eventually Patrick himself. It was originally an item used to travel to and from Merryland and the real world (37:20). It has also been shown to create a huge burst of energy that sends out a powerful explosion (1:13:15). It might also be able to summon Faith the Spirit Whale (1:10:02), but as far as I know she could've just shown up out of nowhere so this isn't an ability that could reliably be given to Patrick.


Pancada

Sweatbands

Purple sweatbands he wears on his head and ankles as part of his dancing uniform (6:30). Offers slight protection to parts of his cranium and legs.


Zibo

Mop

The trusty floor-cleaning tool. He's a master of combat with a mop, as that was his main way of training before the defeat of Slade. With his mop, he practiced the technique of Kirikaeshi: The art of striking rapidly on both sides of yourself with great accuracy, rhythm and smoothness (which he then immediately messes up at but don't worry he gets better at this).


Book of Knowledge (2nd Edition)

A book that was once owned by Grandmaster Han. It's a book full of blank pages made to teach Zibo a lesson about true knowledge. Could probably clobber someone's head in.


Amulet of Fury

This amulet contains lava from an ancient volcano within it's crystal (19:40). When worn, it is said to give unimaginable power to the wearer. However, this is later revealed to be false as the Amulet is yet another lesson from Grandmaster Han that true power comes from within. Otherwise, it just looks cool.



Abilities

All

Panda biology

Everyone knows what pandas are. Pandas can row up to 1.5 metres tall and weigh as much as 150kg. They survive in the wild by having an all bamboo diet and rarely fight back if confronted. They are capable of fighting back however, using their claws and teeth. Their jaw muscles and teeth are especially dangerous considering that they spend most of their days constantly chewing on bamboo. In addition to this, pandas are great climbers, can swim and don't have to hibernate during the winter. Now does this actually apply to any of the combatants? Eh, probably.


Master Panda

Panda Magic

Yeah ignore my previous statement about this guy not being magical or whatever. He has learned the mystic art of magic from a book within his dojo and has been described as a master in terms of the arts. The list of spells that he has learned includes:

Patrick

Grampa Rage

If hearing someone make fun of his Grampa, Patrick will gain a Spartan Rage that boosts his strength, speed and fighting skill (18:03). This is unstoppable.


Flight
(Yes this image is of him flying please no comments)

So for basically no reason whatsoever, Patrick is seen flying towards the Evil Master with his friends to land the final blow upon him (1:13:13). This was not foreshadowed at all and never comes up before, during or after this moment. It's also unknown if this was done by himself or with the power of friendship, so it's likely that this would never come up in a fight by himself.


Pancada

Dancing skills

A skill learned from Master Jin. The way Pancada dances is... unnerving. Whether it's due to his horrifying model or the way his body contorts when performing (16:41), his way of dancing is truly unique to him. His dancing is so impressive, it earned him the achievement of being the first panda accepted into the Dance Academy (21:41). He can even incorporate his dancing style into the way he fights (41:18).


Zibo

Object Summoning

Since Zibo by the end of the movie gains the title of Grandmaster, he should be capable of whatever the previous Grandmaster/his mentor had learnt in the past. This would include being able to summon any object from midair, a technique Han showed off when teaching Zibo a lesson (8:03) involving the blank book mentioned earlier. We even see him summon a mop to his hand when he first equipped the Amulet of Fury (36:40), albeit not summoning it out of thin air like Han.



Feats


Master Panda

Overall

  • Became a surrogate father to KG after her father died
  • Taught her the ways of kung fu
  • Is sick on the drums
  • Adventured with KG on their way to the Dragon King's kingdom
  • Fought their way through the Dragon King's disciples, palace and the Dragon King himself.
  • Saved Prince Po and reunited him with his father.
  • Has an awesome website
  • Everyone loves Master Panda


Strength


Speed

  • Dodged shuriken being thrown at him matrix-style
  • Outran the destruction of the Dragon King's palace


Defense


Patrick

Overall

  • Proved to himself that Merryland was real
  • Survived an encounter of the Shadow Army 
  • Fought/befriended Manny Mantis, Burnie Hothead, Crusher the Ox and the Wonder Seven
  • Freed the onion dogs from torment
  • Was trained by King Leo himself through the toughest challenges
  • Found his way to the Evil Master's castle
  • With the Wonder Seven, fought and defeated the Evil Master and sent him back to his home dimension
  • Brought peace back to Merryland
  • Returned back home a better warrior and man


Strength


Speed


Defense


Pancada

Overall

  • Helped Polaris get his revenge on Freak Teddy
  • Got accepted into "The Academy" via his awesome dancing
  • Was believed to be the victor in "his" fight against Teddy
  • Was trained by Polaris himself
  • Was definitely in the ring with Freak Teddy
  • Made Polaris rich and retire
  • Is the current owner of the Bear Bar Box


Strength


Speed

  • Can walk (22:08)
  • Can run
  • Used a speed bag in his training with Polaris


Defense


Zibo

Overall

  • Believed to be a legend so legendary, that even his legends were legends (by his son at least)
  • Was like, the only employee in the dojo
  • A single dad who loves his son very much
  • Stood up against and eventually defeated Slade and Bali
  • Brought peace back to Serenity Falls
  • Was taken under Grandmaster Han's wing in terms of martial arts
  • Became a Grandmaster himself and finally became the legendary legend he always dreamed about
  • Became friends with Guto, the Frog Prince and Marcell Toing


Strength


Speed


Defense

  • Broke his hand multiple times when trying to break planks of wood
  • Took a beating from Master Bali



Scaling

Master Panda

The Prodigy Cast

Through mentoring KG and following her throughout their journey to save Prince Po, Master Panda should be comparable to the dangers they face together. This includes:


Patrick

The Adventures of Panda Warrior Cast

Due to fighting multiple characters like Manny Mantis, members of the Wonder Seven and the Evil Master himself alongside being the legendary Panda Warrior like his Grampa, it shouldn't be difficult to assume he scales to most characters in the movie. This would include:


Pancada


No one




Yeah Pancada doesn't scale to anyone. Either he gets his ass kicked by anyone who do actually impressive things, or the people you theoretically could scale him to don't do anything. 


Zibo

The Chop Kick Panda Cast

Due to being trained by Grandmaster Han, defeating Slade and Bali (two seasoned and trained martial artists) and everyone else in the movie being children, Zibo should reasonably be in the same ball park as everyone we see in the movie. This includes:



Weaknesses

Master Panda

Despite his role as the wise, old mentor to KG, he also has the role of the wacky, comedical partner. This decision has lead to him making some pretty dumb mistakes, like activating a trap that almost killed them (50:44), or saying words that a banner specifically said not to say (55:42). On top of being clumsy and dumb at times, he's also been shown to have a very short temper as seen when he insulted the Emperor multiple times during a conversation the two were having (18:37). Other, non-personality based weaknesses include: The Potion of Power having a time limit of five minutes, his shield clearly has a limit to how much it can endure and he gets bad gas when in stressful situations (36:56).


Patrick

Patrick, despite how skilled he may be, still has his clumsy moments throughout his adventures in Merryland. Most notably, him easily losing his sword given to him by King Leo before he could swing it once. He's also never shown to actually go back and retrieve it. He also has problems of social awareness, like when he was just sleeping in the middle of the army camp in the middle of the day and actively talking when Peggy was explicitly telling him to not talk (16:50). Though what might be his biggest weakness in a battle royal setting is that when fighting strong/multiple people, he's normally with others like the Wonder Seven. So when he's on his own, it'll be a tougher battle for him to win. 


Pancada 

Pancada has a few issues in his life. Gets constantly belittled by coworkers (1:09) and his sensei (8:02), is clumsy (1:02), has no rizz (3:57), stacks no papers (7:56), lets his pride get in the way of win-win situations (32:12), is an official fraud and is an absolute dumbass. But most importantly for this debate (which I have brought up earlier): he SUCKS at fighting. The one time he was actually in the ring with someone else, he almost died. Even Polaris, the person who trained him in combat, knew he had absolutely no chance against Freak Teddy (44:02). May whatever bear-god help him if he had to fight two or even three somewhat competent bears skilled at martial art fighting...wait-


Zibo

Zibo, despite his status of "Legendary legend", isn't exactly the fittest guy around. It's sort of a running gag where whenever he tries to do some cool shit, he instantly breaks his back, instantly immobilising him (2:22). He also ain't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, being outsmarted by Bali into looking for the Amulet of Fury, not really understanding the lessons Han is trying to teach him and losing every single Rock-Paper-Scissors game we see on screen against a child. Finally, because it was only revealed at the literal end of the movie, we don't know the exact extent of his training as Grandmaster, so we can only assume that he has the somewhat the same training and abilities as showcase by Grandmaster Han.



Before the Verdicts...

The Dragon King's power?

As described by Boss Bear himself: After being burned by a dragon's fire, the Dragon King "brought nothing but darkness throughout all this land". Now, does this count as a feat that can be used for any sort of debate? Eh, I don't think so. Not only is there no implications that he did this in one fell swoop, not only is there no timeframe given, but most importantly, the Dragon King himself is kind of loser. He got his ass handed to him by a small, clumsy bear, got caught on fire and probably died in the palace explosion. So no, no Country level The Prodigy (I think idk there's also no frame of reach I probably should've said that as well but oh well)


Whale-Scaling

OK, so, this is when shit gets real. So there's two whales that guard the Dragon Ball of Light; Hope and Faith. One day, Hope absorbs too much power from the Dragon Ball and runs rampant, destroying multiple mountains in her rampage. Only the Legendary Panda Warrior, Patrick's Grampa, could stop her. After this, the despicable rat with a despicable plan from an evil alternate dimension fused himself with Hope and turns into the evil nine-headed snake. One rest-of-the-movie later, Patrick and his friends defeat the Rat out of Hope. So surely, Patrick somewhat scales to the Mountain level whale, right? Well, that's a little hard to answer.

So first off, are those really mountains? This may sound silly but based on comparing the size of Hope, the Rat and the rocks should make it appear that the "mountains" are actually more comparable to large boulders. But not only could that be chalked up to the animators not intending for the rat to be that big judging by the fact that Hope is supposed to be "destroying all of Merryland" and thus Hope crashing into mountains would make sense in the context of the entire land being destroyed, but also those are very mountain-shaped rocks. You can't deny that.

Now with that slightly unnecessary detour out of the way, Patrick should not directly scale to Hope herself in any way. When Hope first went haywire, that was due to an amp from the Dragon Ball of Light, an orb that powers all of Merryland. In any altercation Patrick has with The Evil Master (who is Hope fused with the Rat), there is no Dragon Ball-amp to be seen. You could argue that Patrick scales to his Grampa, who defeated the enraged Hope in the first place, but that would be hard to do considering 1: There would be no way to actually do that other than saying "They're both the Legendary Panda Warrior" 2: Patrick is way less experienced and skilled than his Grampa would be and 3: We don't know exactly how Grampa stopped Hope, whether it was through raw strength or some magical ability is unknown. But since the Rat could easily overpower Hope, let's just say that the Nine-Headed Snake is an equal boost to Dragon Ball-amped Hope. Where does Patrick scale then?

Well there are multiple encounters Patrick and friends have with the Evil Master, so I'll go over each of them and rank them off of scalability. Their 3rd encounter was the Evil Master at his weakest. Firstly, he was in the daytime, which Princess Angelica straight up states is when he is at his weakest. Secondly, Jimmy Ginseng was playing his Song of Peace, a piece of music specifically made to counter the evil effects of the Evil Master. Thirdly, the Onion Dogs showed up out of nowhere and weakened the Evil Master with their juice that weakens people. So given all of that, The Evil Master should absolutely not be at full strength and thus Patrick would not scale to Mountain. Their 1st encounter is already off to a better start by being at night, away from Jimmy and all Onion Dogs. Still, Patrick would not fully scale due to the matchup being essentially a 9v10. Even if Patrick was fighting one head all by himself, he would only scale 1/9th of the way. His greatest feat of strength against the Evil Master would have to be their 2nd encounter where both he and Peggy are holding a door shut with the Evil Master on the other side. This is a moment where only two people are directly contesting in strength with the Evil Master. Even Crusher, who was just weakened by swimming back and forth in poison, could hold his own on holding the door shut even for just a little bit. Now of course, the Evil Master was just briefly stunned by Burnie's blast, but given how moments later he completely destroyed his entire palace, I'd say he's still plenty strong. So with all of that being said, Patrick should at least somewhat scale to Mountain level.

Oh yeah, with Faith restoring all damages done to Merryland, I would instead list that as more of a range feat as I don't know how you would scale that type of move to combat power. 


Vídeo Brinquedo Cosmology?





No lmao. 


Zibo's Speed

So the situation is this: During a martial arts practice, Koji was tasked at taking stones from Zibo's hand. However, Koji was so fast, Zibo could not physically see it. Later on, Koji did a similar feat where he stole the Amulet of Fury away from Slade's paws from a longer distance than before, only for Slade himself to state that he has similar speeds. So, we have at least two characters that are faster than the eye can see. So now that becks the question: does Zibo scale? At first, you may say "What? No, we literally see Zibo and Slade getting blitzed by the child. How could he scale? Cool blog BTW.". First off, thanks! Second off, I believe the contrary to your first reaction. Firstly, Slade got blitzed simply because he was caught off guard because he didn't expect the child to be actually fast. So he then shows off his own speed which should be at least comparable to Koji. Secondly, this leads into Zibo scaling to Slade's speed by blitzing him again with a mop. But this time, Slade would have to be ready for anything as he is actively in a state of ready to fight and should be prepared for anything to happen, especially after getting blitzed by a child. Thirdly (and this is just me speculating), I'd imagine that as a Grandmaster, Zibo would have to be comparable to Han, who is comparable to Slade. So, depending on what you buy, Zibo should scale to Subsonic speeds.



Verdict

Stats

Despite all of their comedic moments, most of these bears are no joke. Starting with Master Panda, his greatest strength feat would be his blue energy blast being compared to a stick of dynamite by the Shaggy Troll (the actual validity of this claim is unknown but this is the best you're gonna get for the little guy). Speaking of the Troll, he lifted a tree tall enough to cross a ravine. Now while the actual height of this tree is unknown, this would still be pretty impressive. But does Panda scale? Well, I don't really think so. On one hand, Panda did easily daze the Troll with his magic. On the other hand, the Troll was sleeping and only seemed slightly annoyed by the attack. Either way, he clearly didn't hurt the Troll enough to justify scaling between the two. So, to me, I don't think Panda could scale to the Troll's giant tree feat after slightly suggesting that he could. If only there was a term for that kind of thing... oh well. Pancada and Zibo don't have much going for them in terms of the strength department themselves. Zibo would probably be the stronger of the two by exhibiting actual feats of strength like breaking a single wooden plank (wow). But when talking about strength, Patrick should absolutely take the gold in the category via scaling to the Evil Master who fused with Hope, the whale who destroyed multiple mountains. Using the minimum requirement of "Mountain level" on VS Battle Wiki and then dividing that number in two to account for both Patrick and Peggy holding the door closed from the Evil Master, that would mean Patrick could potentially have the strength of 50 Megatons of force, or 50,000,000 tons of TNT. For comparison, a stick of dynamite contains 1 megajoule of force, or 0.0002390057 tons of TNT. Master Panda would have to throw around 209,200,031,631 blue energy balls to match the power of Patrick (Here you go you number freaks, I hope you're satisfied).

Now speed is slightly different, as none of the fighters really show off any real feats of movement. There was a moment where Master Panda "avoided" arrows being shot at him (29:58), but that could easily be chalked up to the shooters having really bad aim instead. Pancada gets nothing apart from just being able to physically run. Patrick actually is pretty fast, being able to outrun a bull chasing after him, which is impressive since bulls run at speeds of 15, 20 or even 35 mph. But unfortunately for Patrick, Zibo ain't exactly as slow as the others. Now, I've already said my piece on why Zibo should scale to Koji and Slade's speed, so I'll just say that Zibo should be able to scale to speeds that move faster than what the eye can see. Thanks once again to Vs Battles Wiki, we know that those kinds of speeds get up to 76.7269-383.635 mph. Comparing Patrick's high ends to Zibo's low ends, we get a 2.192 times difference in Zibo's favour. When comparing both fighter's high ends to each other, we instead get a 10.961 times difference still in Zibo's favour. 

So as a summery: Strength goes to Patrick in a landslide, followed by Master Panda, then Zibo, then Pancada. Meanwhile Speed goes to Zibo in a (not as large) landslide, followed by Patrick, then Master Panda, then Pancada


Abilities/Equipment


Now this is where things start getting interesting. In terms of equipment, the Boss Bear definitely takes it in quantity with tonfas, a compact mirror shield, hairpins, fire lipstick and the Potion of Power. When talking quality though, things are closer. Obviously Pancada isn't contributing to the debate with his only items being a headband and sweatbands around his ankles. And while the Amulet of Fury may work on boosting Zibo's confidence in a fight, stat altercation is a no-go and none of his other items have anything special about them other than "It's a book" or "It's a mop". Meanwhile for Patrick, in his possession he has a special rock (that's not VS-applicable) and a Leaf Sword (that he never uses in a fight). But luckily for the Panda Warrior, he houses what could potentially be the strongest item on the battlefield: the Dragon Necklace. When in stressful situations, the necklace seems to react in a way that would be the best way to save Patrick, whether that be bringing Patrick to Merryland or just creating a big-ass explosion. Not only does this give Patrick a large AOE attack that's powerful enough to knock back the Evil Master, but also has a form of Battlefield Removal via potentially sending the other pandas to Merryland (although that would probably be hard to do considering we've never seen him doing anything like that). 

Still, with that massive AOE advantage and if stolen, no one else could utilise it, Patrick could definitely take the equipment category. It all comes down to his Quality vs Master Panda's Quantity. And for as much of a powerhouse the Dragon Necklace is, the Mirror Shield (Which can be used for protection against similar energy blasts like the ghost's fire attacks), the Hairpins (Which adds more long-ranged attacks to Panda's arsenal) and the Potion of Power (Which not only adds an extra layer of defense to whoever consumes it, it also helps close the stat gap between both him and Patrick) would simply be too much for Patrick to handle, even with his amazing strength. Also, whale summoning does not help Patrick. Not only is Faith's appearance during the events of the movie very situational, her whole thing is NOT disturbing the peace with violence, so she wouldn't contribute to the fight at all. This gives Master Panda his first category of the Battle Royal with Equipment.

Onto Abilities, this might be the simplest category to discuss, as Master Panda should easily take it. For one, he has the most variety out of all the combatants in the fight (If you don't label Panda Magic as just one general ability). Then there's the fact that the other's abilities either don't do that much (Pancada's dancing), haven't been shown actually using that ability (Zibo's summoning) or are just highly situational (Patrick's Grampa Rage). Oh yeah there's also the fact that Master Panda can just INFLICT INSTANT DEATH UPON YOUR SOUL. Given the fact that his Octahedron can instantly kill ghosts and make them explode, it's safe to say that it could work on actual living bears. Now, there could be a chance that the ghosts don't operate on normal ghost logic as Master Panda's normal energy blasts could sightly move them. But 1: This wouldn't stop any of the other pandas from combusting into flames and 2: The only other thing to destroy a ghost would be their own fire attacks, which shows that attacks of spiritual nature can put them down. We also see one of Panda's magic balls phase through the ghosts the first time he tries attacking them (53:30) which means that SOME OF HIS PANDA MAGIC ATTACKS SOULS-sorry about that. Anyways, other than that, his Panda Magic adds range to his skillset, which is something that all the other bears combined bear-ly have. With that all being said and done, Master Panda takes both Abilities and Equipment, with Patrick, Zibo and Pancada in 2nd, 3rd and 4th place respectively. 


Tertiary Factors


Finally, let's talk experience and skill. I'll talk about the former first. Surprisingly, Pancada isn't last place this time, as that placement goes to Patrick. Although he was a soldier and part of an army, he obviously was never a fighter beforehand. Literally sleeping and getting his ass handed to him in the first few moments of the film. He wasn't even in Merryland for that long, as I counted and he spent a maximum of five days before the defeat of the Evil Master and his return home. Pancada, while he did get training from the best Bear Bar Boxer before he bagged his bounty, never really retained any of that knowledge when in an actual fight against an even more experienced fighter than him. Even then, while we don't know how long he was training for, it had to have been for a week or two after Teddy called him out for a rematch. At the beginning of the movie, it's been established that Teddy has been fighting for two years and is currently fighting in his 45th match (2:04). So 44 fights in two years AKA 22 fights in 1 year AKA 2 (rounded up) fights every month AKA 1 fight per 2 weeks. 

Zibo is another case of not knowing how long he has been training, but in his case, the road to becoming Grandmaster is a difficult one. In a very best-case scenario, you could say that he must've trained for a year as at the end, Zibo is already shown to have a portrait of a Grandmaster and everyone looks the exact same as they did throughout the entirety of the movie. Though even in a worse-case scenario, I'd argue that Zibo easily has more experience than the last 2. But even with that best-case scenario, Master Panda easily triumphs everyone else by multiple years. He's been around for a long time, being best friends with KG's father when she was just a little girl. He himself stated that he has taught many students before KG and that he has been raising her for a long time, likely for years. Master Panda takes experience. 

But in a battle of martial arts mastery, it all eventually comes down to skill. So, when their backs are against the walls, all worn down and weakened, who among these bears comes out alive with their pure Battle IQ? Well, first off, Pancada actually gains another advantage, being that his unique way of fighting by incorporating dance moves into his attacks could catch the others off guard via simply not expecting it and underestimating Pancada based off of his appearance. After all, he did catch Teddy Thunders off guard in their fight (41:31) because of the things I just mentioned. Zibo does appear to have a higher skill level as shown when he blitzed two great masters of martial arts at the same time. The general level of skill that Grandmaster Han radiates in-verse is basically unparalleled. He is the legend so legendary, that his legend (Zibo) was legendary. And seeing that Zibo eventually becomes a Grandmaster with the help of Han, it could be argued that Zibo has the same battle skills as Han. HOWEVER, as we see at the end, he loses a Rock-Paper-Scissors to Rex after he became a Grandmaster. So, it's likely that Zibo hasn't fully got the same training and mastery that Han had received. There is still his back problems to consider, but when he quickly defeated Slade and Bali, he didn't seem to have any problems of that sort. Still, this would put Zibo at a much greater skill level than Pancada.

In the case of Patrick, he is quite skilled in his own right. Before his meeting with King Leo, he could easily keep up in fights against skilled opponents like Manny Mantis but only when enraged by insults towards his Grampa. Though after a day of training, Patrick eventually became skilled enough to fight the Evil Master himself (Though the actual training is dubious due to the fact that for the first two challenges we see Patrick only failing them but for the third he simply just dodges and eats bamboo thrown at him and suddenly he's "ready" to fight a giant, dark magic-infused nine-headed snake but I digress). And when he makes it home during the mid-credits scene he's fighting on equal footing and strength to his commanding chief who bullied him at the beginning while they were both drunk. But once again, it's looking like Master Panda takes another category. As before, Boss Bear has taught many students in his life, but in his time with KG he's shown to be a master of fighting both through his own skills and what he taught KG. Panda has used his environment to his advantage, showing quick adaptational skills. The opponents he takes on consist of people with the skills of an acrobat all the way to the Dragon King, who was a great warrior before he turned to the path of evil. All while he uses his small size to his advantage by evading and dodging the attacks of his much larger adversaries. Meanwhile, none of the other pandas have ever fought someone as small as Master Panda before. One more thing for Patrick is that he's at his best when with a team, while Master Panda has fought many fighters in 1-on-1's and more, meaning that in a battle royal setting where multiple opponents are attacking from all sides, Patrick is going to have a slightly bigger disadvantage than the Boss Bear. Of course, all fighters have had their moments of clumsiness, but when looked at through their peaks as shown on screen, Master Panda takes home the gold for general fighting skills.

Now I should also mention intelligence in this section, but let's be real: These guys are all dumb as rocks. My dog could do a math test and get better results than these four. Master Panda is quick to anger and just assumes that random people he meets are just evil straight off the bat (not to mention that Gold Room moment again). Patrick is shown to be somewhat incompetent, like when he gets the seemingly important Leaf Sword knocked off his hands easily and just never picks it up after that moment. Pancada just... is. And Zibo constantly gets outsmarted by children and just seems to make stuff up about martial arts as he goes. If I had to give someone the advantage, I'd say Master Panda due to the occasional bit of inspirational knowledge he gives to KG.

So in general for Tertiaries, I'd say the order goes Master Panda, Zibo, Patrick and Pancada.



Conclusion

Master Panda

"With a heart as big as yours, there is no limit to what you can accomplish if you believe in yourself"

+ Better skilled and far more experienced than anyone else in the battle royal

+ Has a wider variety/amount of weapons 

+ Has multiple ranged attacks to keep others away from him

+ Has multiple ways to shield himself from attacks

+ Potion of Power raises his attack by a large amount

+ Has a way to instantly kill anyone with his Death Octahedron

+ Is able to use his surroundings to his advantage better than the others

+ Size disadvantage could work in his favour as no one else has fought foes similar in size to him...

+ Has the most enjoyable movie to watch imo

+ Awesome at playing the drums

+ Is actually part of a wider cinematic universe... (21:13)

= Dumb as hell

= Is a single father

= Dance maniac

- The second slowest 

- ... except for Patrick who actually fought someone smaller than him

- ... too bad that other movie sucks

- Not even the main character of his movie

- Robert had too much faith in this movie


Patrick

"Merryland really exists! Grampa was telling the truth!"

+ Easily the strongest

+ Dragon Necklace is potentially the most dangerous singular weapon on the battlefield due to its abilities like massive AoE and BFR...

+ Grampa Rage could put Patrick in a state where he basically wins immediately...

+ Has a fucking sword...

+ Has fought someone smaller than Master Panda before

+ His movie has Tom Kenney for some reason

= Dumb as hell 

= Dance maniac 

- Still slower than Zibo 

- ... though he hasn't ever used his BFR in combat before

- ... though in order for it to activate, someone has to insult his Grampa first, which is likely to not happen naturally

- ... that he never uses 

- Finding a way to watch his movie sucked

- The way his movie looks sucks

- His entire movie sucks and was the worst movie I had to watch for this

- Fuck you Patrick 


Pancada


"I'm just Pancada, right? Just the same old me, you know!"

+ Has the most unique way of fighting

+ Probably more experienced than Patrick in terms of combat training... 

+ Has the most well known movie out of the four

+ Has an actual job

= Dumb as hell...

= Dance maniac 

= Was a janitor 

- Gets dominated in stats

- Equipment and abilities mean nothing to the debate

- ... but cannot put that training to good use in an actual fight

- ... but might just be the dumbest

- Is not actually a fighter

- Has no rizz

- Was only useful when making his boss money

- Not even other Vídeo Brinquedo characters want to be friends with him


Zibo

"A wise man once told me: A mop in the left hand can be more powerful than a sword in the wrong one... well it made sense when he said it"

+ The fastest (depending on what you buy)

+ Has a great amount of training from Grandmaster Han

+ Could summon whatever item he wants...

+ The Amulet of Fury seems really intimidating...

+ Has the best looking movie imo 

= Dumb as hell 

= Is a single father 

= Was a janitor 

- Still weaker than Patrick 

- Not as skilled/experienced as Master Panda 

- ... but we've never actually seen him use this ability

- ... but actually doesn't do anything, like, at all

- His back problems could show up and leave him immobile

- Still can't win at Rock-Paper-Scissors against a child

- Has the shortest movie (Though this might also be a blessing depending on how you view it)

- Friends with a known racist 



Now, with all of that out of the way, you're probably wondering what the overall order of elimination looks like in this battle royal. Well so am I. So, in order from worse to best, here are-



The Rankings


Last Place: Pancada

I hope my foreshadowing wasn't too subtle. Anyways yeah, Pancada is the worse performing panda in this battle royal. This is due to a multitude of reasons: Having no strength, speed or durability feats that can actually stack up to the others, having no weapons or equipment to aid him, no abilities other than moving slightly different than what one would expect, having barely more experience in combat training than Patrick, not being able to use any of the fighting skills he was taught when actually in the ring, being the clumsiest and dumbest of them all and overall doesn't even like fighting. Now he may have some advantages with the actual amount of experience he has, but other than that, nothing. I hope I didn't enrage any Pancada fans by saying this, but this was pretty obvious. At least he has a stable job that he actually likes working at. Couldn't be anyone else in the fight. Speaking of anyone else... 


3rd Place: Zibo

This panda has quite a bit going for him in this matchup. He seems to have a generally good amount of experience and skill from his time learning under Grandmaster Han. And while giving him the ability of summoning objects from nowhere might seem like a bit of a stretch, not only do I think that it's only fair given that he has the shortest movie runtime, but it's also my blog so I decide what each character gets (not like whether he has it or not effects the placements above and below). His most useful ability though is absolutely his speed. Potentially being 2-10 times faster than the second fastest guy in the match, he could definitely be a problem if not taken care of fast enough. But unfortunately, he has some pretty major downsides that effect his ranking. As impressive as the Amulet of Fury seems, it does nothing for Zibo other than boosting his confidence which, while impressive, doesn't do much when the others are just unimaginably stronger or can just blow you up. Even when you do give him object-summoning, the objects he could summon don't do much other than hitting people with blunt "weapons" that would probably break upon Patrick's body on contact. And on skills/experience, if he somehow doesn't get past Patrick, he's absolutely losing to Master Panda due to the latter having potentially years more experience than Zibo. Even when just looking at their films, Master Panda should take skill due to the fact that while Zibo is simply a student, the Boss Bear is an experienced mentor. As for who takes the silver medal, well...


2nd Place: Patrick

Might come as a surprise to some due to the massive strength advantage he holds. I mean, don't get me wrong, that strength advantage is absolutely impressive and is a surefire wincon all on it's own, but strength alone isn't what decides a fight like this. While the Leaf Sword looks pretty cool, we have no idea how he fights with it considering how he never uses it once. That rock from the floating palace does nothing in a fight and his Grampa Rage, while boosting his strength, speed and skill by a large amount, is very situational and would likely not come up in a fight. Though his Dragon Necklace could come in handy as a blast capable of hitting multiple people (assuming that he isn't also damaged from the blast). That actually leads me into why I think Patrick is placed here: the setting. Patrick doesn't fight solo in his movie that much, with the only times he does is when he's in his Grampa Rage (which I just established wouldn't reliably happen). All of the other times he fought was when he was with others like the Wonder Seven, Manny Mantis and Burnie Hothead. He's also had trouble being outnumbered before in the past. That alongside the other advantages his opponents have (Zibo's superior speed and the Master's Panda Magic) makes it a pretty tough match for Patrick. Again, don't get me wrong, three good hits across the opposition can easily net him the dub, and he could easily could destroy 2 out of the 3 fighters via his strength and impressive fighting skills. But try as he might, there can only be one No.1. And that of course is...


1st Place: Master Panda

Yep. The strongest panda is the one who looks like a koala painted to look like a panda. Joking aside, Master Panda has all he needs to win the day. First off, he actually has no stat advantages, which may seem shocking seeing as I've placed him in first place. But as a wise tiger from another movie says "True strength is not in [the muscles], it is in [the mind]". Master Panda immediately takes a massive lead by having numbers in both arsenal and abilities. The Hairpins act as an extra bit or range for damaging anyone, the Mirror Shield helps protect Panda from anything that comes at him (which would likely protect him from the Dragon Necklace exploding) and the Potion of Power closes both the gap in physical stats and size. On his magic, most of them do the same thing by being magic balls, some of which are as strong as a stick of dynamite, that he can throw. But he still has some variety in his magic, whether it be his own form of AOE, an extra shield incase he doesn't have access to his Mirror Shield and oh yeah INSTANT COMBUSTION. This is essentially the instant KO that Patrick's strength is but 1: Boss Bear's doesn't seem to be dependent on strength, which means that the stat gap between the two wouldn't matter that much and 2: Master Panda has multiple ways of stalling until the moment strikes, whether that be his multiple protection options, waiting for Patrick to be distracted by other pandas (which he would do due to not being a stranger to being a dick and playing dirty) and his size making him hard to hit (even Patrick, who fought Manny Mantis, could only do so when in Grampa Rage). But most importantly, his overwhelming skill and experience would be his best way of winning. He's a master at using his surroundings to his advantage, he has fought multiple opponents who tower over him and has potentially been teaching students and KG for multiple years more than everyone else combined. 


This was surprisingly a tough matchup to figure out, with different fighters having their own unique advantage, even Pancada. But, when all is said and done, there can be only one bear left boxing. Pancada's chances of winning were little, Zibo got kicked the curb and was an amu-let down and Patrick couldn't keep dragon-on and had to Jin-bow to his superior: Master Panda, who is simply on the top of the Po-dium. 


The winner is Master Panda.





Before You Go...


Hey, what's up? It's me, ShyniScizor, the sole maker behind most if not all of the contents within this blog. This was a pretty big project as I have never done anything of the sorts on this level before. Fun Fact: I was working on this since the middle of December and was originally going to release this on this years Chinese New Year (because pandas. lol) but I kept putting it off until it got to the point where I decided to make it an April Fools day thing. And even then I'm currently typing this at 3:38 am on April 1st. I've always wanted to take part in a blog before as they seemed like lots of fun, but not only am I not that good at Vs Debating, I am too socially anxious to ask someone else if I could be part of a blog. But that dream still persisted. I just needed a matchup that was easy to research, the scaling and abilities were simple and was one I was interested in.

Then it somehow clicked for me one day: I remember a post on the Death Battle Judgement Discord Server by someone named Vibes sharing a matchup featuring 4 Kung Fu Panda rip-offs in a battle royal setting. I went to YouTube (and one stupid ass website) and all the movies were there for free, with most of those movies being their only piece of content with honestly nothing happening in them. Badda-bing badda-boom here we are now. I am honestly proud of what I've done. And even if it turns out that this blog sucks ass in the future, I can still learn from the mistakes made here in case I want to do another one of these (and I really want to do another one sometime in the future). So yeah, sorry if this ending speech also sucks I'm not that good at this type of stuff. I just want to say thank you to Vibes for basically resulting in the creation of this thing, thank you for reading this far in and thank you Robert D. Hanna for creating peak content in terms of The Prodigy (Two-Thousand And Nine).

As for if there's anything next...

(No promises on any of these tho lmao)





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